“Total Recall” Is Another Remake Abomination

That's How Mad Arnie Is About This Remake

In case you hadn’t heard, the geniuses in Hollywood have decided to remake the Arnold Schwrzanegger sci-fi classic from the 80s “Total Recall”. The original is a brilliant combination of imaginative and outrageous science fiction writing from visionary Philip K. Dick, brutal violence and action from director Paul Veerhoven, and a surprisingly believable and enjoyable performance from Arnie as a blue collar nebbish caught up in inter planetary intrigue.

The remake looks to be a pile of shit starring Colin Farrell, a moron. Farrell says that it’s a “cool” and “smart” script, but what happens when the lead of your movie isn’t cool or smart? Grrrghaaaa! This movie remake is an abomination. It’s like exhuming your grandmother’s corpse and driving around town with it in your minivan. The original was awesome. What the fuck?

Hollywood Execs: Can You Green Light Something Original, Or Would That Infringe on the Quality Time You Spend With Your Cocaine?

Seriously, guys. This is another in a string of horrible remake misfires. Just because people like to watch Ben Stiller & Owen Wilson in “Starsky & Hutch” doesn’t mean that people want to see a remake of “The Thing” or “Conan”. This was evidenced by those movies horrible box office turnouts.

What Hollywood execs just do not seem to get, like a retarded 6 year old who won’t stop banging his head into the wall, is that the original movies are not just commodities that you can throw into an over and heat up. Each movie had its own charm and originality that you just cannot successfully recapture by trying to do it again. “Recall” and “Conan” both had one ingredient you wont’ have this time around: Arnold! On top of that, “Recall” was a weird, surprisingly unpredictable and mind tickling movie in a marketplace of conventional action movies.

“Conan” was a classic because it was the first time Arnold was on screen like that, and he looked like he was born for the role. He’s Conan, not whoever the hell they cast in the remake. And as for “The Thing”? This was John Carpenter. He did things his own style and it ain’t Hollywood!

It’s called originality, Hollywood folk. You can’t order it up like an escort service and expect it to put out. You actually have to use some imagination.

It’s up to you guys to make these new original movies that kick ass. To learn how, check out Film School Secrets!

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